That Ring

Just out of curiosity, what does wearing a ring on your left ring finger means to you?

Call me old-fashion but to me, a ring on one's left ring finger means that person is taken. Married, engaged or simply attached is not the point. It simply means that person is taken. It means DO NOT hit on that person. It means stay a reasonable amount of distance away physically or emotionally.

I myself, when first meeting a guy, I look at the ring finger. If there is a ring or a faint line that implies a ring has just been removed not long ago, I say Hi and then stay a reasonable distance away. Of course, if there is nothing there, I will get possessed by 青蛇。Muahahahahaha!

Bad habit but when I want to know how my friend's relationships are going, I look at their ring fingers first. The moment I see the rings gone, alarm bells start going off. Because wearing a ring to declare to the world you are taken takes so much courage. To remove it, simply implies something's wrong, no?
To me, the ring that you wear represents your commitment and your love for your spouse, your faithfulness. Removing it means you are breaking the commitment.

I never believe in excuses like forgetting to wear a ring or having to remove it because of some sports. Come on la, want to hide it means want to hide it. No excuses. After all, if you really love something, you protect it the best way you can - which means you keep every possible temptation out of the way.

So, maybe the next time you wear a ring or wants to remove it, understand the commitment you are giving to another and what it means when you remove it.

Advice or A Realization?

And so today, I am once again amazed at myself with the advice I gave. 

I realized - it is when one is giving advice to another, that is when you type out what you exactly feel.

In one of the support groups I was involved in, I was telling another single mum this when I realize it was what I was telling myself:

"I feel that eventually you need to think what makes you happy. If you close your eyes and picture yourself 20 Years down the road, is this the person you want beside you and your answer Is No, then it's best to let go. You don't need to kick that person away immediately. We all know how how hard it is letting go, especially when you did give your heart at one point and love that person.....So do it at your own pace and comfort, but first and foremost, remember it's your happiness that comes first."

This was after a long conversation about how her husband loved her before marriage and before the kid comes along.

Maybe because my own love life is not at it's best stage now. Maybe it is becoming normal that love is replying a few texts now and then. Maybe it's a norm that people just give the bare minimum. Looking at more and more soon-to-be-broken relationships, I am starting to question myself - what the fuck is wrong with people these days? 

Do we really love or we took the infatuation at first, made it look like love, made empty promises to another then take the easy way out by ghosting?

Smell the toffee nut lattes!

November....the loveliest time of the year.

It means Thanksgiving is just around the corner. 

Starbucks have got Toffee Nut Lattes back in the stores! 

Orchard Road is going to be one beautiful light show.

Christmas songs will be ringing in our ears everywhere we go.

There will be lots of cooking and baking - bring out the Beef Wellingtons!

Everyone will be eating and drinking far, far too much.

All the friends who had left the country will be home soon for Christmas!

What is there not to love when you can feel love in the air?

Even a stroll to get lunch at the cafe makes you wanna skip a little.

I love that feel of warmth. And now...it's time to think of new recipes, bring out the champagne glasses, call up the friends and get prepared for this year's Christmas parties!

Do we really not want or are we really just scared?

I once made this statement just before going on a date:

"I go on dates expecting it to be the last date because people MIA all the time. It is called a positive outlook towards the very brutal dating scene. We being Librans are losing out so much because we want Love. We are losing out to those FWB/ Flings/ Open Relationships ones because we simply only want Love. So the only way is to force our mindsets to change and throw Love out of the window. Not that we don't want Love. It's that we cannot want it."

This was actually in response to a girlfriend who asked me why I can date again and again even though nothing actually ever works out to something serious eventually. She wonders why I can be focused and go gaga over a person one week and cut off all emotions for that person come the following week.

The difference between us is that she is the kind of women who would rather not fall for someone because she knows it's painful when it ends. She would rather not have it then lose it all.

I on the other hand is like a soldier at the frontline who will fall hard, go for it all the way, whine then drink too much wine when everything ends then stand up and do it all over again. I live life believing "You only regret the things you have never done". And so I rather have it and lose it then never have it before.

Is she being safe or am I being too willful? Is she being careful or am I living life at the edge? Will she ever one day meet someone who will make her let down her guard? Or will I meet someone who can actually make me lose my "cut off emotions" skill?

In our current world where dating means drinks and sex for that night and if you are lucky, a few more meet ups for sex; where showing your interest in someone is sending random text messages instead of meeting face to face; where most people cant't be bothered in investing their love and time in another person......have we all somehow been pushed to the point where we are scared to fall in love? Have we all used "we don't want" as a cover to hide our fear of getting out there to love then crash and burn?

In the now brutal dating world, have we all become cowards?

Swipe, Swipe, Swipe

With the influx of single people searching for love around the globe now, Yours Truly had also jumped on-board the swipe-swipe-swipe craze.

Seriously, what else can a girl do on a tiny island to meet men? The ones I meet in face are very often married, attached, gay or has some weird fetishes....

Moreover, hiding behind the phone app to judge people - yes, I do judge and so do you - is so much more fun. I can make the puke sound openly or cringe my face or go "awwwwww....so handsome, must be gay!".

So, during one of those afternoon chats with a co-worker, we touched on the very interesting topic about the people I date.

See, S is a co-worker I am quite closed to and she has been beside me through my OKC journey since god-knows-when. Ok, well, half the journey since I haven't knew her last August yet. Because we see each other at work everyday so she gets fresh updates on the people I date. 

We both concluded that :

• The people I date are mostly weird
• The ones I like don't like me
• The ones I don't like love me to death
• I attract attached men
• I attract either old men or young boys
• I LOVE ah bengs
• I don't seem to attract any single, around-my-age, mentally stable people
• If something gets a little more serious, it is over in a week. (we have since concluded I have a one week curse)

And so on that one boring afternoon, S suddenly list down the nicknames of all the weirdos I date and told me to write about this because "Dating in SG with the weirdos I meet on OKC" sounds funny. And so, here we go :

1. Mr Emo Beng

He seemed like a nice guy, kinda sexy with his tattoo sleeve. Then I found out his ex-wife he has supposedly divorced is still staying with him in the same flat and he constantly tells me how much he hates her to the core. And he hates his boss and colleague too. He kinda hates the whole world and wants to kill everybody. Oh, btw he always ask me to go home myself cos he don't drive, which is fine...but he doesn't even let me get up the cab first. He got on the cab first always. He made me believe chivalry is dead. 

Bye, Mr Emo Beng, I love my man to be a gentleman and I am getting out of here before you kill me too.

2. Mr I-am-triple-timing-but-I-want-exclusive-with-youuuuuu

S and I thought he looked cute in glasses and posing with a dog on OKC so when he asked me out for a Friday date, I said yes. First few dates were great. He was always gentlemen enough to send me home, walked me to my lift and make sure I get in before he goes. He also offered to bring Jay out together to play some time. Effort max hor? Until one day I saw a message on his phone screen that says "Honey, I am home leaw". I somehow become the third party. And upon asking more, he admitted he is also chatting with a few more girls. KNN la....I don't want to be 死小三 leh....%^&($#@

Bye, Mr Flirt, I know you date me cos I speak Thai and I look Thai but me mai chai your Thai teeruk ka!

3. Mr I-am-a-cheery-teacher-but-I-just-wanna-get-cheap-wine-and-get-laid

This was a big mistake. It was one of those Fridays so boring that I said yes to Mr Teacher when he asked me out. After all, he is a Teacher right? What can go wrong except him being a boring teacher. We were all wrong. Teacher got all touchy and infatuated with my legs. Yes, my legs. It all started when I crossed my legs and he said they look nice and tried to touch it. 

Perverted Teacher, fuck off. I got the hell out of KPO as fast as I can. I think it was the first time I ran that fast after a few glasses of wine.

4. Mr I-am-so-boring-that-I am-chatting-to-myself

Enough said. I didn't even meet him.

5. Mr I-LOVE-LOVE-Terminator

Actually, I really like this one. The initial dates and "ahem" were near perfect. :)

Everything was almost perfect and so one fine Friday afternoon, we went for a movie date to watch Terminator Genisys. Now, those who know me knows I do not like shows like this. It was kinda painful to sit through the movie but since my eyes were affixed on him most of the time, I kinda enjoyed the date nonetheless. So, like any other dates, we went for dinner and drinks at this beautiful bistro at Bishan Park after the movie. Now, up to this point, everything - the movie, the hand holding, the flirty looks exchange, the beautiful restaurant, nice Pinot Noir, grilled to perfection fillet mignon - seem perfect, right? Then he decided to educate me on The Terminator, starting from Part 1 of the movie. Ah huh, yes he did. Which was fine, cos as he talked, I just looked at him with my I-am-so-in-love-with-you face...all the way till Terminator Part 4. I couldn't take it anymore and suddenly burst out laughing....and guess what? My Mr Perfect got really pissed that I laughed at Terminator that he cut the date short, sent me home and never spoke to me again!

There is actually an interesting Part II after this which I will blog separately. But it has since become a big office joke that I got dumped over Terminator Genisys. I am speechless till today.

6. Mr Prison Officer

S described him as Mr I-love-my-prison-officer-work-too-seriously-that-I-have-to-guard-my-girl-too. I just call him Mr Nice Guy for short. Hahaha....

Okay, this one is actually OK except a tad too controlling. For me....well, I guess I can't be tamed. There are women who will like him though. He is a good fit for women who :

• Likes someone to text you to tell you he is going to work/ reach office/ going home/ reach home. Like a LIVE report 24/7, you know?
• Controls your drinking
• Question if a prawn fishing place's boss is going after you just because the boss offered you some extra prawns
• Deletes your number when he is pissed
• Blocks you on WhatsApp when he is pissed
• Deletes all messages and pictures when he is pissed
• Ask you to send him pictures as and when he is happy again
• Tracks you on OKC and ask why your profile is active
• Verbally insulting you when he is pissed 

Sorry Sir, last I checked, I left elementary school like two decades ago. I don't do "I don't friend you" anymore.

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There are actually quite a funny ones but since it's just for laughs, I have picked the top 6 memorable (freaky) ones.

Plus, blogging takes up hours and I need to get back to my OKC app to swipe, swipe now........

Hello, 新年！

把每一年的结束，都当成一次从新开始的机会。

今年，再也不要犯一直在犯的错。再不要花时间去在乎不怎样在乎我的人了。

Because...

Whoever we are, 

We hold in our hearts,

The memories of the times we have lived and loved.

Today is more meaningful.

For it is built on who we were, where we have been,

And the paths we have traveled.

- George Betts