The Definition Of "Successful"

suc·cess·ful

Adjective

Accomplishing an aim or purpose Having achieved popularity, profit, or distinction. One thing that is constantly on my mind :  Why is a woman considered successful only when she is married, have kids and has a successful career (as in a C-level position)?  After volunteering with SPSG, I met a lot of single mums (unwed/ divorcees/ widowed) who are doing as well as their married counterparts. See..... Married women are married with a husband. And then there's the image of a happy family with kids in tow. Single mums (some) are WERE married too. Married, had kids, divorced - been there, done that. Unwed ones (are smarter) never had to go through the hassle of planning for a wedding or go through a torturous divorce. And we are happy with kids in tow too. Married women go to work. Single mums go to work too. Some even do OT to earn extra cash for themselves and their kids. And fight their way up the corporate ladders. Married women have kids. And a husband to help out with the kid. Single mums have kids too. They even pull double duty being Mama and Papa. I thought that in modern times like now, we are very much more liberal.  Seems like not huh?

You're Going To Make The Best Single Mum Someday

I recently came across a page on Facebook that supports single parents. I went through most of the profiles of the members and (NOT surprisingly) most of the members are female. And read through the posts and comments. 
Woooooo, some of these women - you don't want to mess with them. The way they lash out at some insensible people makes me want to pop 100 bottles of champagne in one go. Hah!

Firstly, my apologies to the single dads that are bringing up a child (or children) on their own. I am not a single dad myself so I don't know what kind of challenges and difficulties they face.

But I am a single mum myself, with full custody to my son who is turning three this October. So, yes, I understand fully how single mums feel and I guess I have a right to lash out at some people. To those people talking like they know everything; criticizing single mums for being single mums; suggesting that single mums should go fight for themselves instead of being fed -- FUCK YOU and then YOU FUCK OFF AND DIE.

Coming from a single parent family myself, I knew it was hard having to raise a kid/ kids by yourself. When I decided to part ways with my ex-husband and raise my son myself, I finally found out how hard it is. Especially in Singapore.

For women that are not married when they gave birth, they are not entitled to Baby Bonus. Which is quite a significant amount of $4000. Then they are not allowed to apply for flats with HDB unless they are 35 and over. They get only 12 weeks of maternity leave instead of 16 weeks. They are entitled to only 2 days of child care leave per year instead of 6 days. The list goes on......

I don't understand. Really don't. As a single mum, we do not love our kids any lesser than parents who are married to one another. So why are we short-changed due to some stupid laws that was made by grandfather-of-dunno-who's-uncle's-cousin's-great-great-great X infinity-grandfather?

From what I have observed these few months, so what if the parents are married? Are they truly happy and giving the child a TRULY happy family? Are their kids REALLY happy? 
I know of friends, despite being married, are cheating on their spouses. What message do they send to their child?
Some argue about money, maid, discipline issues day and night in front of the kid. What does that teach their kids?
The best one I came across - wife telling everyone on Facebook that the husband is cheating on her with some Vietnamese women. Her kids are in Primary school, can read and probably even own a Facebook account. So, what is she telling her kids?
So you see? Not every kid that has parents who stays married are happy.

I can't speak for all but I speak for a few - as single mums, we try hard and sometimes thrice harder because we know we are pulling double duty.
Financially, if we are lucky, we get some money from ex-husbands for maintainance, usually for the kid and very little for ourselves. My maintainance for myself is only SGD100 per month. Those that are not married, Mum's salary covers all expenses. And if you lose a job, that's it. So yes, we all work very hard just to put that three meals on the table.

Emotionally, we have no shoulders to rely on when we are tired from the stress of daily life. We have to fight a war in the corporate world out there; rush out of the office to pick up the kid; rush home to fix dinner; entertain the kid for an hour or two; wash them up and finally sing lullabies while putting them to bed. Weekends are possibly less strenuous a bit. But this is the majority of what we go through 80% of the time. So yes, some of us cry ourselves to sleep and yet put on a smile the next morning.

Mentally, some of us wants to pull our hair out on a daily basis but then there is no one for us to rant to. Especially when our kids piss the shit out of us. If you have a toddler who have learnt how to say "No" and "I don't want", you know what I mean. So yes, we sometimes shut ourselves from the whole world because we need to chill.

Not forgetting the times when we all have to put down our prides just so that we can have an easier way around things.
Or holding back our punches when people gives us the sympathetic look. Hello, we do not need your sympathy. We just need you to understand. 

I am actually one of the more blessed ones around. When my ex-husband and I separated, my family and some really good friends jumped in and stood by me. They spent nights sitting with me while I cried and drink non-stop without saying a word; helped me sell away the car which was the biggest financial burden; sort out the bank loans; arranged for me to see a counsellor about my depression; introduced me a lawyer who consulted me free of charge...and more.
So, I can imagine, for the single mums out there who had to walk through the rain all by themselves, how tough it was for them. Many, many times, what they need is just a pat on the shoulder and encouragement so that they can have the strength to fight on.
For every single mum should know that no matter what happens, Mother is God in the eyes of a child. Even if you are not scoring a perfect 100% today, You Are Going To Make The Best Single Mum Someday.

For those that have nothing good to say, shut the fuck up la. No one ask you for your comments. Go talk to a toilet bowl. Your cock comments belong in there. 

For those that had lend a helping hand to the many single mums out there, I thank you on their behalf. Every little thing that you have contributed - be it in material form or just the kindest words of comfort - it does mean a lot. 

And now...very shamelessly, I am going to appeal for help. Haha...
There will be a collection drive at Blk 807, beside Khatib MRT Station this Sunday 7 July, from 9.30am-12.30pm. If you would like to donate baby items, milk powder (please hor...don't give expired or expiring milk powder), pampers, NTUC vouchers, etc, etc, etc......please make your way down to the location mentioned and pass the team your donations.
No matter how big or small your item is, it will really be deeply appreciated as you will be helping one needy single mum. For your help, a big THANK YOU in advance!