With the influx of single people searching for love around the globe now, Yours Truly had also jumped on-board the swipe-swipe-swipe craze.
Seriously, what else can a girl do on a tiny island to meet men? The ones I meet in face are very often married, attached, gay or has some weird fetishes....
Moreover, hiding behind the phone app to judge people - yes, I do judge and so do you - is so much more fun. I can make the puke sound openly or cringe my face or go "awwwwww....so handsome, must be gay!".
See, S is a co-worker I am quite closed to and she has been beside me through my OKC journey since god-knows-when. Ok, well, half the journey since I haven't knew her last August yet. Because we see each other at work everyday so she gets fresh updates on the people I date.
We both concluded that :
- The people I date are mostly weird
- The ones I like don't like me
- The ones I don't like love me to death
- I attract attached men
- I attract either old men or young boys
- I LOVE ah bengs
- I don't seem to attract any single, around-my-age, mentally stable people
- If something gets a little more serious, it is over in a week. (we have since concluded I have a one week curse)
And so on that one boring afternoon, S suddenly list down the nicknames of all the weirdos I date and told me to write about this because "Dating in SG with the weirdos I meet on OKC" sounds funny. And so, here we go :
1. Mr Emo Beng
He seemed like a nice guy, kinda sexy with his tattoo sleeve. Then I found out his ex-wife he has supposedly divorced is still staying with him in the same flat and he constantly tells me how much he hates her to the core. And he hates his boss and colleague too. He kinda hates the whole world and wants to kill everybody. Oh, btw he always ask me to go home myself cos he don't drive, which is fine...but he doesn't even let me get up the cab first. He got on the cab first always. He made me believe chivalry is dead.
Bye, Mr Emo Beng, I love my man to be a gentleman and I am getting out of here before you kill me too.
2. Mr I-am-triple-timing-but-I-want-exclusive-with-youuuuuu
S and I thought he looked cute in glasses and posing with a dog on OKC so when he asked me out for a Friday date, I said yes. First few dates were great. He was always gentlemen enough to send me home, walked me to my lift and make sure I get in before he goes. He also offered to bring Jay out together to play some time. Effort max hor? Until one day I saw a message on his phone screen that says "Honey, I am home leaw". I somehow become the third party. And upon asking more, he admitted he is also chatting with a few more girls. KNN la....I don't want to be 死小三 leh....%^&($#@
Bye, Mr Flirt, I know you date me cos I speak Thai and I look Thai but me mai chai your Thai teeruk ka!
3. Mr I-am-a-cheery-teacher-but-I-just-wanna-get-cheap-wine-and-get-laid
This was a big mistake. It was one of those Fridays so boring that I said yes to Mr Teacher when he asked me out. After all, he is a Teacher right? What can go wrong except him being a boring teacher. We were all wrong. Teacher got all touchy and infatuated with my legs. Yes, my legs. It all started when I crossed my legs and he said they look nice and tried to touch it.
Perverted Teacher, fuck off. I got the hell out of KPO as fast as I can. I think it was the first time I ran that fast after a few glasses of wine.
4. Mr I-am-so-boring-that-I am-chatting-to-myself
Enough said. I didn't even meet him.
5. Mr I-LOVE-LOVE-Terminator
Actually, I really like this one. The initial dates and "ahem" were near perfect. :)
Everything was almost perfect and so one fine Friday afternoon, we went for a movie date to watch Terminator Genisys. Now, those who know me knows I do not like shows like this. It was kinda painful to sit through the movie but since my eyes were affixed on him most of the time, I kinda enjoyed the date nonetheless. So, like any other dates, we went for dinner and drinks at this beautiful bistro at Bishan Park after the movie. Now, up to this point, everything - the movie, the hand holding, the flirty looks exchange, the beautiful restaurant, nice Pinot Noir, grilled to perfection fillet mignon - seem perfect, right? Then he decided to educate me on The Terminator, starting from Part 1 of the movie. Ah huh, yes he did. Which was fine, cos as he talked, I just looked at him with my I-am-so-in-love-with-you face...all the way till Terminator Part 4. I couldn't take it anymore and suddenly burst out laughing....and guess what? My Mr Perfect got really pissed that I laughed at Terminator that he cut the date short, sent me home and never spoke to me again!
There is actually an interesting Part II after this which I will blog separately. But it has since become a big office joke that I got dumped over Terminator Genisys. I am speechless till today.
6. Mr Prison Officer
S described him as Mr I-love-my-prison-officer-work-too-seriously-that-I-have-to-guard-my-girl-too. I just call him Mr Nice Guy for short. Hahaha....
Okay, this one is actually OK except a tad too controlling. For me....well, I guess I can't be tamed. There are women who will like him though. He is a good fit for women who :
- Likes someone to text you to tell you he is going to work/ reach office/ going home/ reach home. Like a LIVE report 24/7, you know?
- Controls your drinking
- Question if a prawn fishing place's boss is going after you just because the boss offered you some extra prawns
- Deletes your number when he is pissed
- Blocks you on WhatsApp when he is pissed
- Deletes all messages and pictures when he is pissed
- Ask you to send him pictures as and when he is happy again
- Tracks you on OKC and ask why your profile is active
- Verbally insulting you when he is pissed
Sorry Sir, last I checked, I left elementary school like two decades ago. I don't do "I don't friend you" anymore.
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There are actually quite a funny ones but since it's just for laughs, I have picked the top 6 memorable (freaky) ones.
Plus, blogging takes up hours and I need to get back to my OKC app to swipe, swipe now........
