Zsa Zsa Zsu

Zsa Zsa Zsu....

So many butterflies. And sparks. And fireworks. Boom...boom....boom!!!

Lovely butterfly feelings when you just want to be with someone. 

Haven't felt like this in years. Happiness much! Sweetness overdosed!

Gimme me more. Me love it! 

 

I still Believe that My One is out there somewhere

I think, at our cores, no matter how jaded and cynical and bitter and burned we might claim to be - we're optimists.

We like to believe in love and happily ever after, and we like to believe that something is out there waiting for us. And so that is why we hold onto the could have beens, and all of the futures we painted in our heads but were never brave enough to admit.

It's hard to reconcile the fact that maybe, deep down, the way to get what we wanted was just to have The Talk with the other person before the cut-and-run. 

And that's on us, and will ever be.  

Sorry, I am not a Saint

I am tired. Very tired of trying to live up to expectations.

I am on the verge of breaking. Almost there.

Just because I had fell and stood up before, it does not mean I can stand up everytime I fall. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I am just too tired. Sometimes I just simply have no more strength to do so.

I also want to be like an ungrateful brat and just fuck care everyone's expectations.

Keeping quiet does not mean I do not know anything or can't feel anything. But because sometimes some friendships are so important to me that I can give up anything and everything for that one friend. 

Because I don't say what I did and so people assume I am a heartless and naive person. Unfortunately, I am not. I love a perfect world more than anything.

My Sorry is not for anything that I have done. I have done nothing wrong so far. Yes, I forgot dates and if there are no constant reminders, everything slips my mind. My Sorry is - if you think that I am a Saint and will be Miss Forever-Nice - sorry, but I am going to have disappoint you cos I ain't no Saint.

Two Different Worlds

I like falling in love. I like dating. I like the courtship period.

Because this is when I get treated like the Queen. This is when someone gives in to me all the time. This is when someone says yes to my every request. This is when I get pampered. This is when I get spoiled. This is when I feel loved.

I am a true blue Libran. I am needy when I date exclusively. I need to feel loved. I need all the attention on me. Librans are happiest when they are in a relationship and I don't deny it. I love to be part of a group or partnership. The ground I walk on need not be worshiped but the insecure me needs lots of assurance.

And so, my bestties warned me that if someone cannot give in to my tantrums now that we are only in the courtship stage, it will be worse moving forward.

I think it makes sense too.

I guess some people are just from two different ends of the world.
We are just passer-bys in each other's lives and that is it.

One day, I will find someone who speaks my love language. That someone who will give me what I want and what I need.

Till then, bye to you from the other world. You were perfect for a few days. And I was blessed those few days. But reality has sank in. You can't do more. And neither will I settle for less.

Crazy and Dangerous? Nah.

I am too wild and crazy? Nah.

I just don't want to live a safe and predictable life anymore.
I decided that if I am going to live my life for another ten years, I want to be able to talk about how exciting and interesting my life is when I am taking my last few breaths. I am now living on the edge, living a life dangerous and what some may call exciting.

See, some people decide to throw all caution to the wind not because they have gone mad. But because they are sick of giving their all but yet get nothing back except for heartbreak after heartbreak. Me too. Am tired and I admit, I am afraid of giving out a part of myself that could either be reciprocated or destroyed.

24 hours is all one needs.

To go from being adored, to being convinced this is it, to become one of two, to go from being scared to trying, to go from happy to exhilarated, to go from excited to realizing everything was not real.

This is the crazy thing call Life. Which makes my choice of Life looks normal now, no?

The Definition Of "Successful"

suc·cess·ful

Adjective

Accomplishing an aim or purpose Having achieved popularity, profit, or distinction. One thing that is constantly on my mind :  Why is a woman considered successful only when she is married, have kids and has a successful career (as in a C-level position)?  After volunteering with SPSG, I met a lot of single mums (unwed/ divorcees/ widowed) who are doing as well as their married counterparts. See..... Married women are married with a husband. And then there's the image of a happy family with kids in tow. Single mums (some) are WERE married too. Married, had kids, divorced - been there, done that. Unwed ones (are smarter) never had to go through the hassle of planning for a wedding or go through a torturous divorce. And we are happy with kids in tow too. Married women go to work. Single mums go to work too. Some even do OT to earn extra cash for themselves and their kids. And fight their way up the corporate ladders. Married women have kids. And a husband to help out with the kid. Single mums have kids too. They even pull double duty being Mama and Papa. I thought that in modern times like now, we are very much more liberal.  Seems like not huh?

You're Going To Make The Best Single Mum Someday

I recently came across a page on Facebook that supports single parents. I went through most of the profiles of the members and (NOT surprisingly) most of the members are female. And read through the posts and comments. 
Woooooo, some of these women - you don't want to mess with them. The way they lash out at some insensible people makes me want to pop 100 bottles of champagne in one go. Hah!

Firstly, my apologies to the single dads that are bringing up a child (or children) on their own. I am not a single dad myself so I don't know what kind of challenges and difficulties they face.

But I am a single mum myself, with full custody to my son who is turning three this October. So, yes, I understand fully how single mums feel and I guess I have a right to lash out at some people. To those people talking like they know everything; criticizing single mums for being single mums; suggesting that single mums should go fight for themselves instead of being fed -- FUCK YOU and then YOU FUCK OFF AND DIE.

Coming from a single parent family myself, I knew it was hard having to raise a kid/ kids by yourself. When I decided to part ways with my ex-husband and raise my son myself, I finally found out how hard it is. Especially in Singapore.

For women that are not married when they gave birth, they are not entitled to Baby Bonus. Which is quite a significant amount of $4000. Then they are not allowed to apply for flats with HDB unless they are 35 and over. They get only 12 weeks of maternity leave instead of 16 weeks. They are entitled to only 2 days of child care leave per year instead of 6 days. The list goes on......

I don't understand. Really don't. As a single mum, we do not love our kids any lesser than parents who are married to one another. So why are we short-changed due to some stupid laws that was made by grandfather-of-dunno-who's-uncle's-cousin's-great-great-great X infinity-grandfather?

From what I have observed these few months, so what if the parents are married? Are they truly happy and giving the child a TRULY happy family? Are their kids REALLY happy? 
I know of friends, despite being married, are cheating on their spouses. What message do they send to their child?
Some argue about money, maid, discipline issues day and night in front of the kid. What does that teach their kids?
The best one I came across - wife telling everyone on Facebook that the husband is cheating on her with some Vietnamese women. Her kids are in Primary school, can read and probably even own a Facebook account. So, what is she telling her kids?
So you see? Not every kid that has parents who stays married are happy.

I can't speak for all but I speak for a few - as single mums, we try hard and sometimes thrice harder because we know we are pulling double duty.
Financially, if we are lucky, we get some money from ex-husbands for maintainance, usually for the kid and very little for ourselves. My maintainance for myself is only SGD100 per month. Those that are not married, Mum's salary covers all expenses. And if you lose a job, that's it. So yes, we all work very hard just to put that three meals on the table.

Emotionally, we have no shoulders to rely on when we are tired from the stress of daily life. We have to fight a war in the corporate world out there; rush out of the office to pick up the kid; rush home to fix dinner; entertain the kid for an hour or two; wash them up and finally sing lullabies while putting them to bed. Weekends are possibly less strenuous a bit. But this is the majority of what we go through 80% of the time. So yes, some of us cry ourselves to sleep and yet put on a smile the next morning.

Mentally, some of us wants to pull our hair out on a daily basis but then there is no one for us to rant to. Especially when our kids piss the shit out of us. If you have a toddler who have learnt how to say "No" and "I don't want", you know what I mean. So yes, we sometimes shut ourselves from the whole world because we need to chill.

Not forgetting the times when we all have to put down our prides just so that we can have an easier way around things.
Or holding back our punches when people gives us the sympathetic look. Hello, we do not need your sympathy. We just need you to understand. 

I am actually one of the more blessed ones around. When my ex-husband and I separated, my family and some really good friends jumped in and stood by me. They spent nights sitting with me while I cried and drink non-stop without saying a word; helped me sell away the car which was the biggest financial burden; sort out the bank loans; arranged for me to see a counsellor about my depression; introduced me a lawyer who consulted me free of charge...and more.
So, I can imagine, for the single mums out there who had to walk through the rain all by themselves, how tough it was for them. Many, many times, what they need is just a pat on the shoulder and encouragement so that they can have the strength to fight on.
For every single mum should know that no matter what happens, Mother is God in the eyes of a child. Even if you are not scoring a perfect 100% today, You Are Going To Make The Best Single Mum Someday.

For those that have nothing good to say, shut the fuck up la. No one ask you for your comments. Go talk to a toilet bowl. Your cock comments belong in there. 

For those that had lend a helping hand to the many single mums out there, I thank you on their behalf. Every little thing that you have contributed - be it in material form or just the kindest words of comfort - it does mean a lot. 

And now...very shamelessly, I am going to appeal for help. Haha...
There will be a collection drive at Blk 807, beside Khatib MRT Station this Sunday 7 July, from 9.30am-12.30pm. If you would like to donate baby items, milk powder (please hor...don't give expired or expiring milk powder), pampers, NTUC vouchers, etc, etc, etc......please make your way down to the location mentioned and pass the team your donations.
No matter how big or small your item is, it will really be deeply appreciated as you will be helping one needy single mum. For your help, a big THANK YOU in advance!