Shortly after QX and I broke up, a good friend of mine bought me a book titled "The Breakup Book".
A (her initials) was at Borders one day, saw the book, read the intro at the back and felt that the author was basically describing me. So she bought the book and gave it to me as a gift, hoping it will give me some strength emotionally and mentally.
It is a very, very good book and was passed around a few friends - yes, these girls had gone through or were going through tough break-ups then and I hoped the book will help them in some ways like how it helped me. The book was returned me just yesterday and I re-read a few sections again.
You see, when I was reading the book at first, I was all messed up and confused. The book could only soothe my unsettled emotions and help keep me rational to a certain extent. It assured me that whatever I was going through was normal and I will be alright. And that was all I pretty much felt.
Today, a couple of months later, I pick up the book again. However, this time round, I felt different reading certain sections. I can actually laugh at some sentences and think "Oh, I did it!". Or "Oh shit, I did that stupid thing!". Some poems that did nothing for me then are actually doing something to me now! Hohoho!
So, I am going to share with you one of the poems that I really like :
"This is reality sinking in -
This is the tingling in your limbs and the knot in your stomach coming full term
This is the scene of the movie that calls for (a lot of) tissues
This is the part nobody said it would be easy - the hardest part of all parts
And once these moments pass -
Once you release the tension that has settled in your temples
And the butterflies that linger....set off for the horizon
The strength will rise from somewhere within and you will finally be free"
Thanks to A for this book because finally, a lot of things made sense. And I am starting to be able to read it another way now.
And check out what A and some girls in the office - Ah Lian, Bimbo and Burden got for me to up the happiness :
A collection of Hello Kitty stationery!
Oooooh...it's HAPPINESS! Finally, I am going for a break away from Singapore next weekend! It's so, so, so overdue that I am already jumping around in joy! Woo hoo!!!!
I know it's only Batam and it's only for one weekend but I am so burned out that I just need to get away. I am so excited because :
- It's the first time I am traveling with my sea cucumber cousin (OMG! After 27 years? What have we been doing???)
- It's my first girly weekend trip which includes a lot of posing, cam-whoring, gossips, sun-tan and mojitos by the beach.
- It's my first spa and massage weekend trip.
- It's been like 20 years since I first and last visit Batam!
Not like I've been deprived of holidays the six years I was with QX la. In fact, we were at Phuket last August and Bintan the month after. One happy holiday and one traumatizing make or break vacation. Both brought nothing but tears for me in the end. So Batam is a nice change. I suggested Bintan at first but sea-cucumber and I decided on Batam in the end.So, come next week, I will be wearing a bikini that shows my fat ass and getting myself smashed with many, many mojitos. Wahahahaha! It's kind of funny why I even choose Batam actually. These few weeks, I am either thinking of Phuket or images of me when I was in London kept popping up in my head.....walking down Notting Hill that sunny afternoon, shopping at Portobello market, admiring the Buckingham Palace, sitting at the balcony of the Battersea flat with a glass of wine.....
But what the heck, as long as I get to go somewhere to chill and have a day to myself, I'm happy! I'm now so hyped up, I can't sleep. God damn it. Maybe I should start deciding what to wear and what should I bring....actually, maybe I can start packing! **staring at the cupboard and tapping fingers**Batam - you may not be as beautiful as Phi Phi Islands but I will make do for now. I will just close my eyes and pretend I am in Phuket......
Check out why Phuket is Paradise.....
Shaun and Joe forlicking in the blue, blue sea....
No, I am not posting my fat ass photos. Be happy with this picture of The Beach.
Have anyone read last night's Lian He Wan Bao? Some son of a bitch threw a three year old Shih Tzu down a block of flats (I think like ten floors down?). I am so PISSED. Seriously, fuck that SOB. If the fucker don't want that dog, send it to SPCA. Or call them, they will come collect the dog. Or ask around and see if someone will take it in. How could someone be so evil - throw a dog down like that??? KNN.
And the worst part was the poor dog didn't die an instant death. When SPCA came and pick it up, it struggled for thirty minutes before dying. Which means the dog must have struggled for a total of an hour from the time when it fell till the SPCA guys come and till it finally gave up. I know I have a soft spot for Shih Tzus but what made me shivered was when I saw it's picture - it was the same color as Christmas. But nonetheless, no dogs deserve to die like this - regardless if it is a cute Maltese; a pretty Shih Tzu or a fierce looking Bulldog. After all, they also have a mother and they have a heart beat like human beings. In fact, many human beings can't even be compared to a dog. Admit it hor...can you wag your tail everyday happily? Huh? Huh? Huh?
So, I wish the SOB a horrible death. That KNN SOB. I hope your children have no backside. Wait. In English, it sounds too cute. I hope you "san gia bo kar ching". And when you die, you will be flung down some buildings again and again for eternity. Better still if you commit suicude out of guilt. I hope your head breaks off and flies all the way to Malaysia then gets run over by some stinky lorry that's carrying smelly pigs. Nah, there you go - my best wishes to the fucking murderer.
Anger aside....my friend has a Maltese that she is giving up for adoption as she is leaving the country for work. It's a four year old, male Maltese by the name of Xiao Bai. If you are interested or know anyone who is, leave me a msg and I'll contact you.
Just to emphasize why dogs are like little angels that touch our hearts constantly, here are some pictures that will speak many words....(I can feel the anger coming back again. Nabeh. Better not let me meet that SOB)
Huh? What? I did not eat the beef steak on the table! It was Mama!
Bite you, stupid ball. Bleah.
Don't be stupid. She is not dead. She is just sleeping. Duh!
So, it's been long, isn't it? To my followers who have been dropping emails to me asking about the new blog - here it is. Finally.
I know it sounded like a rash decision to shut the old blog but for those who have been following it, you would have seen how it all came about and how it all ended. It started with a girl who was so in love and thought things will last forever and wanted to have everything documented. In the end, when the sorrow and heart break becomes too painful; photos were too hard to look at and memories too heart-wrenching to think of...all things had to go and that includes the "fairy tale book".
Yes, I can hear you all asking what I have been doing these past three months since I am not blogging. Well, whatever that was going onto my blog went into my diary - yes, a book which I write in. So I wrote a lot, a lot in the past three months. And I also took this time to slowly heal. Yes, it was so hard at the beginning but now, I am on my road to recovery and am very much looking to a fresh start.
Life was hell and I struggled a lot but today as I look back on how far I have come since QX and I first broke up, I see a stronger Jill. Of course, there are times when I still break down into tears (oi, six years okay? it was just like going through a divorce!) but I know I am not a loser anymore...I am just a woman.
This new start in my life - no, I don't have a new man in my life yet - is going to be part of the baby steps I have taken and will be taking everyday towards a better future. And like the title, this is a new start and I have many to thank for giving me the chance to breathe again - my family, my friends, friends I thought I had lost, new friends, followers of my blog who sent me so many encouragements though I don't even know some of you. Three people whom I just have to say a big Thank You to : Sea cucumber cousin - who sent me many smses that made sense to keep me going. Candy - who always had and still have my back. Jolin aka Ah Lian - who accompanied me on many, many nights to drink (till I'm totally smashed); who listened to me talk (and she lets me talk all the time); who never once put QX down (at least not in my face); who gets Patrick to take pictures with me (he now knows my name. hah!) and who was always, always there.
So, the first entry on the new blog is going to be dedicated to all of you who were there. Because of you, I did not jump out of the window six floors down then (it would have been an ugly sight. yikes). Because of you, I found the courage to move on in the darkness. Because of you, I can now see that little bit of light. Because of you, I can now breathe again.
To the new start....here's a toast.
Oooh...nice little bridge. The sea looks like crap but the view will make up for it. 
Little villa by the sea (in my cousin's words.) This will be the little villa I will be staying in. Envy? 
I will be baking my fast ass here.... 
And getting high with mojitos here at night....
Hello beach, here I come!
