Friday, December 4, 2009

What is it exactly - trust or assurance?

Because we are human and we all need that little bit of reassurance from time to time so sometimes we ask questions that we know the answer to.

Do we not trust or is it because our confidence was shaken and thus we do things this way? What is it we sought? An answer? An assurance? A change of all things that were perfect till this hour?

A lack of trust is going through someone's stuff and believing your own assumptions. No need for an explanation for you have been judged.

An assurance is respecting someone enough not to dig through their secrets but asking for the answer that we are hoping to hear.

A perfect scene to go wrong - who the fuck will wish for that? However, it happens all the time. Things change eventually and people start to not trust each other.....and where do we go from there? How do we move on from there when one feels that he needs to guard against the other while the other can only feel helpless for she reacted in the fear of karma?

Shakespeare wrote :

For aught that I could ever read
Could ever hear by tale or history
The course of true love never did run smooth.

And yet, to say the truth,
Reason and love keep little company together nowadays.

We have all came a long way from Shakespeare's time. But why do the words the mister say all sound so true? I thought I am gung-ho enough to challenge him but it looks like he wins eventually. Can we take what the other say at face value and understand? Or do we hear what the other say, yet put up a wall and block the other person off?

Maybe I am a hardcore romantic and I always make the mistake of tearing my walls down again and again. Maybe sometimes I lose the bit of confidence that I have accumulated over time. Maybe sometimes I ask silly questions I don't need to. But I am, after all human - a human with feelings. A human who sometimes keeps her troubles to herself because I don't want to upset the person I love. A human who sometimes feel lost. A human who sometimes needs just a hug and someone to say everything is okay even though I am clear I am fucked right now.

However, by now, I realized.....things don't always happen the way they should or the way I think they should. I am scared, I am. I voiced out my insecurities and placed myself at a vulnerable position. At the end of the day, I may have to go through what I hate to go through. But, who can I blame but myself? I kept the walls up for a good nine months. I let them down myself cos I thought things would be different. I had too much confidence. And now....I only have myself to blame.

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