What am I doing?

I should be in bed now as it's past midnight. However, my eyes are refusing to shut and I am not a bit tired. Very good right? Now cannot sleep anymore. Chao turtle!

I told Sea Cucumber (SC) that I will help her update her blog since she added me as one of the authors but I haven't done it. Mental note to self : better do it tomorrow. Oh, if you are wondering why she is letting me do it....it's because she blogs about her beautiful nails. I mean beautiful because she do really pretty nail arts herself. Check out her blog here. She haven't been doing her nails for a while so her blog is not getting any updates. I just did mine over the weekend so she is asking me to update my nails onto her blog. Hmm....come to think of it, she's quite diaoz lor. I really become Emily and she really wears Prada lor. Eeyer!

Anyway, I am just having an emo moment. And it's keeping me up. It's one of those times when I come across something to do with QX and I feel defeated all over again. I seriously thought I had come far enough and moved on a lot but at times, when I come across an email, photo, card, something he bought or as dumb as seeing him online, I feel messed up all over again.

Oh well, I guess I will be fine tomorrow. A sleep might do me some good. Otherwise, I will just skip to Oosters for a few glasses of wine tomorrow with Jolin. Like I always said, alcohol works wonder - in my case, they make you forget stuff and your emotions.

Btw, check out my nails. It's damn chio lor!

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Late but better than never?

I had my head knocked into something for the second time this week. I suspect yesterday's knock did knock some sense into me because :

• It was extremely painful
• I felt dizzy for a long time
• I had a bump
• And after thirty six fucking hours, the bump is still painful like hell and I am still dizzy!!!!
• But yet, I suddenly remembered that I haven't had any New Year resolutions for this year as I was too broken hearted then to think of any!

Now that I am already into April, or rather almost May, I wonder if it's a bit too late to make some resolutions for the year now? Well, I don't care. I am going ahead to do it. Hah!

The past year had been a tough one, especially the last quarter. But through it all, I think I now know myself better and I know what I want in future so here goes :

• Build my savings up again. Being out of love is not only heart wrenching but expensive too. How the fuck I blew 5k on alcohol in a month, I don't know and I don't want to know either. So, I seriously need to build up some savings since the last look in the savings account shows only a pathetic two hundred bucks.
• Freeze/ cut up/ hide the credit card. This is the only way to not overspend on yet another pair of shoes or bag that I don't need.
• Cut down on alcohol. And I mean seriously cut down on it. My body is already protesting to my three/ four times drinking sessions a week. I think two will be a nice number for now....hahaha!
• Spend more time with my family and Christmas. A sudden death recently kinda jolted my thoughts. I realize that sometimes regrets are really too late. The only thing we can do is to cherish what we have and show our appreciation while we can.
  
• Go for a holiday - anywhere except Genting/ KL/ Desaru/ Batam/ Bintan/ Phuket/ Bangkok/ Philippines. No, it's not the memories. Duh. But the fact that I've been to these places again and again. I want to go somewhere else. Tokyo, Hong Kong, Korea or Taiwan will be nice. Just no fucking China.
• Be honest with the "other person" if I meet a new guy. Honesty ie : what I can give and what I expect. I don't want to waste anyone's time further. If we somehow can't meet each other's expectations, I want to cut the loses and move on. I don't want to waste time trying to accommodate someone or have him accommodate me just to go through another six-year relationship and end up breaking up.
• Lose 10kg. No, I am not bulimic. I dropped 15kg in a month then but now I am at a healthy 60kg. I think if I can lose a few more Kgs, it'd be easier to get clothes.
• Seriously take care of my complexion. Being born with ultra sensitive skin should have been a warning but I decided to try the heck care attitude and am now left with horrible scars. Nabeh!!!!!
• Buy a Miu Miu bag.

I guess these are all. I know the last one is really random but I have been in love with the Matellasse Tote since the dinosaurs era and I want it!!!!! **stomps feet to show how persistent I am**

So, I guess this time, I have more sense when doing my resolutions. No more "I want to get married by DD/MM/YY" or "I want to have kids by thirty". Just straight forward, down-to-earth resolutions. Ooooohhh, I am so proud of myself. Wahahahahaha!

On a totally unrelated note, someone told me that I should not perm my hair but keep it straight. Now this is weird. Because 99% of the people I have met said I look better with curls. He is the weird one that thinks I look better with straight hair. Ahem, he also happened to be the one that said I look better in white...hahaha!

Take a look, make your comparisons and let me know what you think. My hair is a god-damn mess now and I need to decide on a hairstyle and get it done by June.

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Straight Hair
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With curls
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Hold my hand and walk me to that side of Paradise cos' I just might follow.....

This is truly a sentence which is very much over-used - by yours truly. Why Paradise? And why will I follow? Simply because I had been in hell for quite a while. Someone has convinced me that there is indeed a Paradise. And I want to follow because I want to and I think I am ready to move on.

Truth be told, sometimes I think I am ready for the next phase of life, whatever it may bring. Sometimes, a part of me is still terrified. Let's put it this way - when you had fell so badly, you take every step with caution because you are scared to fall again, especially knowing how bad a fall can be. But then again, another little voice in you will be nudging you, telling you to go for it. After all, what's the worst that can happen? You fall again only. You will just stand up and walk again with your head even higher than before.

So, this person - no, not boyfriend- is someone who is quite special to me now. He somehow just appeared out of nowhere and took me by surprise. Maybe it's been too long since I've done some innocent flirting and accepted another person's concern so now that it is all happening at once, it does make my heart flutter a bit.

One of my worries for quite a while was that if I will tell everyone to fuck off or generously accept everything at face value. And now, I think I am giving it a shot. Why not accept that bit of attention and concern while I can? After all, he doesn't seem that bad plus I am single and won't get accused of flirting with random strangers right?

Through the conversations, I am beginning to know a bit more about him, as well as myself (to be utterly honest, we are now still trying to get to know each other better as we are still living behind smoke screens). True that there were some random and ridiculous conversations since I can suddenly become bimbotic but there were things that he mentioned that made me realized that I had really come a long way. However, there is one conversation that I deeply and fondly remember which went like this :

Him : Are you ready for new memories?
Me : Why? You want to replace my old bad memories?
Him : No. Not replace. I'll give you new memories.
Me : **silence** Erm...hahahahaha (laugh it off cos I didn't know what to say!)

Later that night, I asked myself if I am ready for a new start or am I still unwilling to budge from the crossroads? Am I too scared to move? Do I want the ghost of my past to haunt me forever? Should I see where this leads to? After all, what's the worst that can happen? If there's no love, I at least make another friend right?

So, as I write this blog entry, I write it with a smile plastered on my face. Because now, I have a little peek at how Paradise is. And if heaven permits, the place is right and the person strikes at the right time, I will put out my hand and let him show me the way to Paradise.

I am constantly amazed at myself and is very proud at how I am moving on. Sometimes, I still hesitate a little, back off a little, condemn myself a little but know what, when I turn back, I can no longer see the cross road. I think I do at times but I guess it's all in the mind.

Oh, by the way, someone said I look good in white so I am flooding my blog with pictures of me in white. Oi! I don't wear white often cos it's supposed to make one look fatter. But I don't really give a fuck...bleah!

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The next two photos are from the first Batam trip with Sea Cucumber. No whites involved. But I want to post them up anyway cos I am vain. Hah!
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Oh, by the way, I so want to boast about these two compliments! Yeah, hao lian time!
My colleague told me just the other day that I look really good right now since I have lost weight.
And my cousin who is living in Bangkok now, saw me at a gathering over the weekend and wrote me an email that said : Girl, you look really fantastic. Keep it up! Look this pretty or even prettier than when you were him. You are doing and looking really great now!
Hahahahahahahaha! Happiness to the max!

Let's all be grateful for the things we have.....

"Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss passionately. Love truly, laugh constantly And never stop smiling no matter how strange life is. Life is not always the party we expected it to be but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful"

I came across this phrase on a friend's Facebook a while ago as he logged it in on his status. A simple phrase which I think might have been used by many? However, I just came across this recently - don't ask me where was I. I liked this sentence particularly : "Life is not always the party we expected it to be but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful."

It got me thinking : How many times have I complained that Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be? How many times had I been there but still wished for something better? How many times did I actually stopped and be thankful and grateful for what I have? How many times had I smiled and thank my lucky stars that I am still here?

So, I realized that for a long time, I had allowed myself to wallow in self-pity. While I smile at times, there are times too when I hated the whole world. I hated everything that was happening. I hated God for not answering my prayers. I hated people who were happy. I hated myself for being faithful in all relationships. I hated myself for allowing my heart to get broken over and over again. And so, I went on the self destructive road - towards self-pity.

Of course, those sit-in-my-bed-drink-and-cry-all-day-long days are now over. Goodbye, fucking destructive days. Hello, my new world! I like my new world now as it's one that is filled with much more happiness, true laughter, appreciation, encouragements and love (from friends ok?). And it's only recently, I am starting to be thankful for many things in life. It's a lot of little things like how I can still see the sun shine; how I have a boss who absolutely loves me to death (wahahahaha); how I have friends who packs and come with me when I want to get away for a vacation at the last hour; how I have people coming to tell me how much they love me (I am loved! *dance around happily*).

See? These are really very little things that's happening in our daily lives but I think if we sometimes take a couple of steps back and learn how to appreciate these little things, we will be thanking our lucky stars and be truly grateful that we are still here.

Not sure if the phrase above (from my friend's FB lah) will have any effect on you. If you are cold hearted, then sorry, too bad that you can't feel a single thing. If you do feel a thing and is contemplating saying a prayer to God tonight, I hope you will be smiling no matter how life gets you down.

On a completely different note, I am going to Batam again in May! I know, I know, I know!!! OMFG. Three trips within one and a half months!

But, this time round, it's not with Sea Cucumber. It's with my Sistahood! Lalalalalalala.....Told you I am infectious! Oh, and guess what? I think I can start writing reviews on hotels as this time we are heading to Harris. After Turi Beach Resort and Nongsa Point, Harris - here I come! I love how all I need to do is go on one trip, come back, rave about it and the whole world will be jio-ing me for a holiday at the same place! Did that to Candy then Sea Cucumber's boyfriend and now I am doing it to the Sistahood (and the Sistahood is falling for my nonsense a second time. First time was to Genting in 2008). So, who wants to come with me next? I am taking in appointments. ^_^

Nothing is concrete but I guess if all goes well, I'm going to be away on 9-10 May. Blog is not getting any updates a couple of days before I depart and after I am back home, as usual. And no, I am not bringing the god damn laptop along just to blog. Duh.

Oh, by the way, did I mention that I feel like going to Genting again? Maybe in June or July. Not sure if anyone wants to come along........LOL

Btw, the vain-pot in me can't help but post a few more photos from my last Batam trip at Nongsa Point. Hahahahaha! Enjoy!

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A Love so true....

A friend forwarded me an email some time ago and today, I finally had time to sit down and read through it. This could be some chain email that got sent round and round the whole world but as I read, I could feel little tugs at my heart and a slight dampness in my eyes.

This is a story about two people who loves each other and tried going against the odds. Some would think they lost while some would think they won. I felt they won in the end because they lived a love that many of us will never ever experience in a lifetime. They will forever carry with them the courage they once had.

The story goes like that......boy and girl dated. Girl is critically ill. Boy never walked away but instead stood by her even though she is wilting away by the second. Boy and girl got married. On their wedding day, she was very sick and fragile but she was so, so beautiful. They laughed, they held each other in their arms, they looked into each other's eyes and they made a vow that they will stay together till death do they part. Girl was very sick and exhausted but she used every little strength she had to go through the wedding as she knows that this could be the last bit of the memories she might ever had. Five days after the wedding, she passed away. But we know that she went with a smile on her face as she has lived life to the fullest. As for him - no one really knows what happened to him after that but we all do know that he is truly a strong man.

Their story is simple yet it touched me in ways that I can never imagine. It got me thinking how a simple thing called Love can lead to such great acts between two people.

I have seen people come together then at the snap of the fingers, they turned their heads and walked in opposite directions. How many of us have truly loved someone that deeply and stayed even when everything is against the odds? In our society today - with temptations everywhere; with technology expressing our emotions when breaking up; with divorces causing just five thousand bucks to end everything - how many of us still value Love?

Think about this : If you are the Boy, would you have the courage to stay through sickness and death with your partner? If you are the Girl, would you have the strength to go through such a strenuous wedding party as it might just kill you there and then? If you are either of them, would you have the courage to go through everything knowing that all these will be taken away in a matter of a few days?

It's depressing ain't it? While some of us are taking everything for granted, there are some who cherishes every single second of what they have.

I am telling this story in a very "retard" way as I do not have the patience to copy every single text and photo over from the email then slowly format it to fit my blog. But with a little imagination, I hope you can feel the story I am trying to tell. If you have a moment, maybe take a few minutes out and think of what you can do in your current relationship (for some it's next relationship) and ask yourself what you can give to your partner.

After you have done your thinking and if you have a partner, I hope when your eyes land on him/ her the next time, you look at him/ her in a different way (imagine the smoky background, sparks above the head, wind blowing in the hair look) because it's time to stop being selfish and start giving the other person a little bit more.

And if like me, you are still single, I hope you will meet your one true love someday and like the leads in the story, you will have a love this great. Because you deserve it no matter what you have been through. (Why do I feel like I am telling myself that I deserve it? Haha!)



PS : You know who you are. Stop laughing at me! I am not writing this because I seem to have meet someone. I can show you the email from my friend. You will cry after reading that.

PPS : One more time you laugh at me just because I am texting and smiling to myself in the office - I am so going to walk over to your desk and bite you. And you better stop telling everyone I am like a schoolgirl who is falling head over heels in love again. Because I am not in a school uniform. If you want to see something kinky, book a room in a six star hotel and make a date with me after work. Bleah!

The crazy two-weeks-in-a-row Batam trips

Yes, you are reading this right. I went to Batam two weeks in a freaking row.
See, sea cucumber and I had a really good time there last last weekend so we came back and rave about it. We talked non-stop about it and got DW (sea cucumber's boyfriend) excited. So barely two days after we got back, they planned for another Batam weekend!

But...we didn't stay at Turi this time cos it was fully booked. So we stayed at Nongsa Point Marina. And it's quite like ONE°15. Check this out :

The view of the supposedly beach from our room

The marina. The boat is mine.....and so I imagine.

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However, I am damn disappointed with the hotel. See, it positioned itself as a luxury resort serving all the rich atas people who own their private boats. The rooms are more expensive than Turi. And the pictures on their website had everything looking pretty. So, naturally we or rather I had high expectations. However, everything was shit the moment we reached the hotel lobby. In point form, these were what got me upset :

• Reached the lobby and tried to search for the beach. Apparently, the beach has been turned to a marina for the boats. So there is no beach to speak of. Great, so there is no beach at a beach resort. Okay, so it's called Nongsa Point MARINA for a good reason. Not too happy anymore because there is no beach.
  
• We requested for early check in but they had no rooms available so we had to wait till 2pm. It was only 11.30am then. So never mind, we told them we will go shopping and they can call us a cab. Annoyed because I was tired and I just want to check in, go to my room and sleep!
  
• Then we waited in the lobby for like thirty minutes for the cab to bring us to town for shopping. We seriously suspected that they forgot all about us. Pissed because I had to wait. Nabeh - I don't like to wait ok???
  
• After returning from shopping, we had to wait for the car to drive us to the "villa" which is actually a bloody chalet like those at Tanah Merah. And the "villa" is up on the freaking hill. The best part - we have to go down these long flights of stairs to get to our unit. Inside the "villa" - I had to climb up more winding stairs to get to my room. Totally pissed because I am TIRED and I don't want to climb up or down anymore fucking stairs!

The long stairs down to our unit. Duh.

And winding staircases in the "villa". I was tired but being in PR, I know when to put on a sweet smile for the camera despite cursing and swearing at the back of my mind.
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• Went to the pool and realized the pool chairs were all taken. Btw, did I mention there were like only fifteen pool chairs around the huge pool? So they are expecting me to bring in my own pool chairs and a picnic basket? Or they supposed I am rich enough to have my own boat where I keep my personal pink Hello Kitty pool chairs??? I might have said "Fuck off and die" at this point. But I no longer care if anyone hears me.
  
• Recce the "villa" and thought everything is fine FINALLY but realized they have no shower caps and hairdryer. I had to called the Reception and told them off and asked them to give us a room which had a hairdryer. They called me back eventually and said there are waiting for guests to return the hairdryers, after which they will bring it over. I am FUCKING PISSED now and sweared that I am going to write a complaint email when I am back. Btw, it's been two days now and I haven't seen the bloody hairdryer. Neither had anyone called me back

Ok fine, I admit I am a very atas hotel guest but I pay for the stay alright? The least they can do is not have me waiting and let me have a pool chair to park my fat ass! And also give me a bloody hair dryer!!!! Well, to be fair, I must say that their service is really good. The staff are all polite and smiley. If everything else sucks, their service is their saving grace. However, this will not stop me from writing that email complaint. Neh neh ni boo boo. NOT HAPPY that I didn't have a hair dryer because I had to live with hair like this for two freaking days :

See? Messy hair! No wonder no one picked me up at all!!
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So anyway, like I always said, when everything sucks, make the best out of the worst scenario. So we went around and find stuff to do and being typical Singaporeans, we went to town for shopping. And guess what? We found A&W!! Oh yes baby, the root beer floats we missed; the curly fries we sooo loved - we gulped them before you can say aye!

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The A&W logo which means Happiness!


The root beer floats....oooh.....


Dugong and sea cucumber loving their root beer floats...


Not forgetting the well loved curly fries!


Look Mama! I got the curliest fry!


A meal that costs 174,400. We are expensive to feed.
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Off we went shopping at Ralph Lauren. Sorry mates, we are not letting you see what we bought. Hah! But you can look at the bags they came in :

Some damage there...tsk tsk tsk....

Do you know that there's like 3,500,000 million Rupiahs worth of shopping in there? Yeah, we spent this much despite having a 50% discount on everything! Gosh, a shopping bill in the millions. I feel like a freaking billionaire! Oh well, that's actually like about SGD500 spent only but we all ended up with Ralph Lauren polo tees! And the winner of the whole trip - DW who bought 7 polo tees!!! Sea cucumber was second in line with four polo tees and a cab. And surprise, surprise, I only bought 2 polo tees and a cap. I've got discipline for once!! (Fine, it was because I left my credit card at home) But still...... So, with all the Ralph Lauren polo tees, I can foresee many Batam golf trips coming up. Never an avid fan of golf but I will come along and parade around in my Ralph Lauren polo tees. Actually, maybe I will do a few shots - in memory of my late god-father who was a golf lover. Sea cucumber will be so happy to hear this as she knows I hate golf.

Oh...and the seafood! Geez...I tell you, the crayfish is something to die for! I have heard a lot about the restaurants overcharging tourists but surprise - we only paid about SGD100 for all of these! I would like to think the cashier fell in love with me and gave us a huge discount but.....never mind, just continue to look at the food.....

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The not-sure-what-is-inside-pot was the focus. We were just the extras. *sigh*

And it turns out that it's just steamed rice in there. Cheh!

Veggies that looks nice but don't taste nice. Bleah.

Drunk prawns. We had a bet. The loser will end up on the dining table. The prawns lost to me at dice.

Funny buns that I never quite like because they look funny.

And the fish that Sea Cucumber cleaned up like a cat...

The chilli crabs were disappointing though....

Oh...and the crayfish I will die for!

I love gong gong! I mean the food above. And of course, I love my grandfather.

I was the winner hands down. I finished almost the whole plate of gong gong!
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Btw, did I mention that on our way to Turi for drinks, we walked past this area where they set up tables for dinner and drinks? Sorry, no pictures taken there. We were busy losing ourselves in the ambiance. It was open air and right by the sea and there were candlelights on every table. Super, duper romantic setting. A perfect place for a nice proposal. I am a sucker for settings like that so pardon me when I go gaga....
And so I started imagining that if I get proposed to at a place like that, I will say yes. Of course, there will be the Tiffany box with my two carat diamond ring in it, a dozen of my favorite champagne roses, a bottle of Cristal champagne on the table and my man will go down on one knee and ask "Will you marry me?".......

Okay, back to reality. Anyway, despite the shitty moments, we had a bit of fun too. But I am not showing everyone everything on my blog. If you want to look at the rest of the photos, go to my Facebook. If I did not add you on, then it's because I don't want you to see my stuff. Huh! Here are some happy pictures :

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Off to Batam!

At the hotel lobby. I wanted a spa session so I thought the pond was part of a fish spa.

Erm...yeah, I see bird.

At the bar in the hotel. Nice lighting eh?
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So, am I a happy woman after the trip? Yeah, why not? But I still think :

• The hotel facilities SUCKS to the core.
  
• But the service, drinks and company made up for it.
  
• Given a choice, I will still pick Turi.
• I will go to Nongsa Point if I am offered a presidential suite F.O.C. Bleah.

P/S : I am still not happy that I didn't get a hairdryer!!!!!!

I am back...

......from Batam. If you look at the massive numbers of photos my cousin and I took, it will look like :

• We were gone for two weeks at least
• We went to somewhere like the Maldives
• We had a lot of random strangers take photos for us

The actual fact is :

• We were gone for only two days/ one night
• We went to Riau Islands aka Batam (no matter Riau or not, it's still not as atas as the Maldives. *sigh*)
• We took 99% of the photos ourselves by balancing the camera on chairs/ rocks/ fences etc etc etc

Oh yes, we cam whore at every opportunity we had. In the room, at the restaurant, by the beach, by the pool and IN the pool. Well, we did had a minor accident, some of the pool water got into Sea Cucumber's camera and the camera went silent. The clicking sound and the timer went quiet blah blah blah. BUT, But, but - after thirty minutes, the camera recovered and work like normal again! What to do? It had to serve the two chio-est babes in the whole resort. Wahahahaha! Anyway, I haven't rest much since I got back and I want to sleep now cos it's fucking 12.20am now! And I have to be in the office by 8am! So I am going to flood my freaking blog with pictures we took. Rest assured not all the 400 plus pictures are here. Maybe only about 10? Anyway enjoy!

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Our hotel room. Very romantic feel hor?

I realized that the lighting at the mirror made me look very chio when taking photos. Hahaha! But I am not sure why the sea cucumber is scratching her head.....maybe kena bitten by the mozzie?

Poser by the sea...wooo.....

View of the Turi Beach Resort from the beach

I look damn chio in the sepia layout right?

This means I have arrived!

In the Teppanyaki restaurant. Very nice lighting for photo taking. I think I look innocent like that. ^_^ What? Cannot pretend ah?

I tell you - the beef burger is damn juicy lah! The juice was dripping all over the plate as I ate!

Cam whore while we wait for the food...

Ah..this is the picture we took by balancing the camera on a stool which was balancing on a chair. Wahahahaha!
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By the way, we love Batam so much that we are going back this Saturday again! Happiness!