Truth be told, sometimes I think I am ready for the next phase of life, whatever it may bring. Sometimes, a part of me is still terrified. Let's put it this way - when you had fell so badly, you take every step with caution because you are scared to fall again, especially knowing how bad a fall can be. But then again, another little voice in you will be nudging you, telling you to go for it. After all, what's the worst that can happen? You fall again only. You will just stand up and walk again with your head even higher than before.
So, this person - no, not boyfriend- is someone who is quite special to me now. He somehow just appeared out of nowhere and took me by surprise. Maybe it's been too long since I've done some innocent flirting and accepted another person's concern so now that it is all happening at once, it does make my heart flutter a bit.
One of my worries for quite a while was that if I will tell everyone to fuck off or generously accept everything at face value. And now, I think I am giving it a shot. Why not accept that bit of attention and concern while I can? After all, he doesn't seem that bad plus I am single and won't get accused of flirting with random strangers right?
Through the conversations, I am beginning to know a bit more about him, as well as myself (to be utterly honest, we are now still trying to get to know each other better as we are still living behind smoke screens). True that there were some random and ridiculous conversations since I can suddenly become bimbotic but there were things that he mentioned that made me realized that I had really come a long way. However, there is one conversation that I deeply and fondly remember which went like this :
Him : Are you ready for new memories?
Me : Why? You want to replace my old bad memories?
Him : No. Not replace. I'll give you new memories.
Me : **silence** Erm...hahahahaha (laugh it off cos I didn't know what to say!)
Later that night, I asked myself if I am ready for a new start or am I still unwilling to budge from the crossroads? Am I too scared to move? Do I want the ghost of my past to haunt me forever? Should I see where this leads to? After all, what's the worst that can happen? If there's no love, I at least make another friend right?
So, as I write this blog entry, I write it with a smile plastered on my face. Because now, I have a little peek at how Paradise is. And if heaven permits, the place is right and the person strikes at the right time, I will put out my hand and let him show me the way to Paradise.
I am constantly amazed at myself and is very proud at how I am moving on. Sometimes, I still hesitate a little, back off a little, condemn myself a little but know what, when I turn back, I can no longer see the cross road. I think I do at times but I guess it's all in the mind.
Oh, by the way, someone said I look good in white so I am flooding my blog with pictures of me in white. Oi! I don't wear white often cos it's supposed to make one look fatter. But I don't really give a fuck...bleah!
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The next two photos are from the first Batam trip with Sea Cucumber. No whites involved. But I want to post them up anyway cos I am vain. Hah!
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Oh, by the way, I so want to boast about these two compliments! Yeah, hao lian time!.
My colleague told me just the other day that I look really good right now since I have lost weight.
And my cousin who is living in Bangkok now, saw me at a gathering over the weekend and wrote me an email that said : Girl, you look really fantastic. Keep it up! Look this pretty or even prettier than when you were him. You are doing and looking really great now!
Hahahahahahahaha! Happiness to the max!
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