Power or Powerless Actually?

"The power in a relationship lies in the one who cares lesser" - By Unknown.

I think I heard this sentence in a movie? Or maybe in a book I read. Can't remember now.

Is it true, I wonder? I guess when the person said this, he means the person who cares lesser has it easier when it comes to walking away. He won't have to deal with that much emotions, sleepless nights, intoxicated moments or boxes of Kleenex.

What is happening to this world now? Have we all gone heartless or has society norms pushed us too far till we need to feel that we have power in everything we do? And that includes the power to break someone's heart?

Recently, I have a few too many friends going through divorces and break-ups. And when we speak, more than often I hear people saying that they are leaving everything behind because they can. No longer is staying behind a choice because they want to. People are leaving because they can and so they are doing it.

I wonder, when you are the person who chose to leave, are you happy? Do you really feel that powerful? And what happens when the dust settles? One day, down the road when memories starts to fill your head, do you still feel powerful knowing that you had once broken someone's heart, turned her world upside down and lost something that could have possibly been the best thing in your life?

No one dies because of another's departure. But we all know - especially if you have been the one that has been abandoned behind before - a broken heart can heal but the scar remains. The tears may have dried but that feeling of sadness can surface easily again. What is over may have been over but the memories can never be washed away. However, this is when power comes to the one who cares more because this is the one who had the heart broken yet braved all storms, wiped away all tears, stood up taller than before and walked on proudly.

Well, well, so the one who cared less - do you really have more power?

Or are you powerless actually?

Don't judge me by my tattoos

It's the year 2009. Gone are the days when having a tattoo (or rather tattoos) mean you are a member of the secret societies. Today, tattoos to many are considered a form of art. For some, it's a reminder of certain very challenging life experiences - just like how it was for me.

Read a fellow blogger's entry and realized her boyfriend is being judged on because of his tattoos. Well, he does have a lot of tattoos all over. Chest and extensions on arms. BUT he is one of the sweetest people I have heard about. He was never rough to her or showing much of that "ah beng" attitude. In fact, from what she writes about, he is quite the romantic, thoughtful kind of guys - you know, the kind who buys the girlfriend a Carebear soft toy in PINK just because she likes it. Get the picture?

I can fully understand how she feels when her partner is being discriminated and can totally feel him as he gets put down for I have a few tattoos myself. Three of them, I have. And each of them carries with them a story. Every one of them carries with them a meaning. People who has judged me before has never asked what they mean to me and immediately classified me as a gone case. I never bothered explaining to these assholes either. Simply because they are shallow and I don't to waste my time on assholes who don't mean a thing to me.

For those who had seen the blog entry on the last tattoo, you know what it means. For those who haven't, click here and read yourself.

So, what did each tattoo mean and why do I get pissed everytime someone criticized or laugh at them.......?

Tattoo number one - a tribal design on my back : This was my first tattoo at age nineteen. I got this when my relationship ended with my ex-boyfriend of three and a half years. It was a bad, bad, bad relationship. A lack of trust, cheating cases, emotional blackmails and a lot of violence later, we ended everything. At that time, I was just relieved to get out alive and when everything came to an end, I heaved a sigh of relief and got the tattoo so I will always remember that kind of pain that pierced through my skin. This pain will always remind me of the abuse I had gone through before and the next time this happens, I have to get out immediately before I end up emotionally and physically scarred again.

Tattoo number two - another tribal on my ankle : This was done a few months before I turned Twenty-one. When I had to say goodbye to someone. That was when I learnt that Goodbye is the hardest word and it was the first time I learnt that Love does not mean holding someone back but it is to let that person leave when you have to. That scene at the airport was heartbreaking but I knew later that it was the the best decision I had made for the both of us. I chose to have that tattoo on my ankle as I want it as close to my feet as close as possible. This tattoo is to remind me later in life that I can walk away when I have to so I can pursue my own happiness and let another find his as well.

Tattoo number three - another tribal on my neck : I had always wanted a fighting fish on my neck. The fish did not make it as all the designs we found were too big. Bleah. In the end, I got another tribal design done. And this is probably the most meaningful of all three. It will always remind me how strong I could be and how I should never give up on Life just because it has once disappoint me greatly.

So, there you are. The story behind each of them. The picture of the last tattoo is up but not the other two as I would like to keep them P&C for a while longer. For those who have seen it, so be it. For those who haven't, if you pray hard enough, I might just post pictures of them up someday. Muahahahaha.....

I can't speak for each and everyone out there who has tattoos on them. While there are some who gets tattoos for no reason, there are some, who like me gets tattoos for reasons. So, the next time you want to criticize or laugh at someone's tattoo, think twice. There could be a meaning behind each and every tattoo and as you criticize and laugh on, we could be rolling our eyes and thinking how shallow and idiotic you are.

Well, maybe just to satisfy some of you...here's the picture of the third tattoo AGAIN....... ^_^

End of the world.....

By now, I am sure most of you have already watched 2012. So, honestly, how many of you are affected by it? How many of you are seriously thinking of what you want to accomplish before the world comes to an end?

I walked out of the cinema hand-in-hand with Ray but with a mind far, far away in outer space. I was thinking....what if we are in the same situation? No one warned us till the last minute that the world is coming to an end? Would I die happy knowing that I have given my best shot in everything that I had done? Or would I die angrily because there are still so many things that I haven't got a chance to accomplish?

Sitting down with a coffee, I spent the earlier part of today thinking if I am satisfied with how my life turned out and what will make me happy for the next three years - assuming the year does end on 12 December 2012.

Then the bloody To-do-list-till-2012 gave me a fright. God damn it. There were so many things I wanted to have and wanted to do!?!?!? After canceling out the rubbish I-want-stuff - like buy a LV luggage bag; have five shih-tzus as pets; decorate my room pink and OD with Hello Kitty accessories - I still have a list a page long. What the hell was I thinking.....?

Some of the more do-able stuff which made more sense were :

• Getting a new job with a promotion and raise included.
• Becoming a manager by thirty.
• Travel to Santa Fe to visit the old man's grave by June 2011, which is also his fifth death anniversary.
• Keeping close contacts with friends who had at moments been there when I needed more than a shoulder to cry on.
• Be less controlling and listen more.
• Work towards my retirement plan. But then if the world is ending, I wouldn't really need my retirement plan anymore, will I? Never mind.
• Start a family by thirty. Simply said, I want my own kids eventually. And after all the kids trying, getting pregnant nonsense, I am left with two years or so to play with my kid before the world ends. Eeyer.

There's still more but I don't think you are all interested in my rubbish list. ^_^

So, have you thought of what you want to do by 2012? When the world ends, who are the ones that you would love to have by your side? What do you think will flash through your mind at the last few moments of your life?

Random and bimbotic but so what?

Afraid that my blog will be neglected and be found one day covered with cobwebs, I decided to blog at least three times a week. At least for now. Since I am so free till I can remove my leg hair strand by strand with a tiny pair of tweezers.

Ok, I admit that part of the reason is that I need the clicks and advertisements moolah to put some instant noodles on the table. Hint big enough? Click on the ads you see, people!

Suffering from the lack of brain juice, I decided.....posting random stuff on the blog is better than nothing at all. Muahahahahaha!

So, here you go. Random stuff to entertain you on a rainy day.......

Randomness One : Beautiful nails done by yours truly. Now, I am going to whine. Since I met Ray, my nails have been breaking. Non-stop. Finally, they are all about the same length and I decided to do my nails before they break again. Three hours of eye-squinting, back-breaking, fingers-shaking, loads of swearing later......ta-dah! Pretty nails!

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If you noticed....yes, I went overboard on the glue. And fucked the ring finger up a bit. The lucky part, all is not lost. After a few washes, the extra glue will be washed off. Phew....

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Randomness Two : Purchasing six bags in two weeks. What can I say? I have a weakness for bags. Muahahahaha!

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Look what came in the mail a couple of weeks ago? My six bags.

My justification for the need of six bags? They are birthday pressies for myself!

After long searches, I finally found the Chanel-inspired handbags in the colors, quality and size I want. Ray is still not aware but I have ordered these in another two colors. And they are due to arrive in early December, just before Christmas!

Cute checkers! Not really the me-kind of bags but hey, we should all try something new at times. It's boring to stick to the same old styles, right.

Revisiting the "New Year" resolutions

Remember how a knock on my head back in April knocked some senses into me and I decided to set myself some "New Year" resolutions? Vague memories? Never mind. Click here.

Remember now? See what a knock it has been. Determined not to waste my life away anymore, I decided to set up some "New Year" resolutions. Setting them in April is late but well, late is better than never, right? So, seeing that it's November now, it's time for a check to see what I have (or rather haven't) accomplish so far.

• Build my savings up again. Being out of love is not only heart wrenching but expensive too. How the fuck I blew 5k on alcohol in a month, I don't know and I don't want to know either. So, I seriously need to build up some savings since the last look in the savings account shows only a pathetic two hundred bucks. - Fuck shit. Still not done and I am jobless now and I need travel funds for Perth in three months' time. Looks like this needs to roll over to 2010.
• Freeze/ cut up/ hide the credit card. This is the only way to not overspend on yet another pair of shoes or bag that I don't need. - I didn't freeze or cut any cards. But the card with the highest credit limit is gone. And I am only left with two cards with pathetic credit limits. EEYER.
• Cut down on alcohol. And I mean seriously cut down on it. My body is already protesting to my three/ four times drinking sessions a week. I think two will be a nice number for now....hahaha! - Hiak Hiak. I did it! I am now only drinking like once every fortnight? Lalalalalala.......
• Spend more time with my family and Christmas. A sudden death recently kinda jolted my thoughts. I realize that sometimes regrets are really too late. The only thing we can do is to cherish what we have and show our appreciation while we can. - I am indeed spending more time at home now. And I kinda wondered if my family is irritated by my presence 24/7?
• Go for a holiday - anywhere except Genting/ KL/ Desaru/ Batam/ Bintan/ Phuket/ Bangkok/ Philippines. No, it's not the memories. Duh. But the fact that I've been to these places again and again. I want to go somewhere else. Tokyo, Hong Kong, Korea or Taiwan will be nice. Just no fucking China. - I went to Vietnam for the first time in September! And well, I did go to Genting (again) in July but then that was where everything started. New memories have been formed and honestly, how can I not want to go there now?
• Be honest with the "other person" if I meet a new guy. Honesty ie : what I can give and what I expect. I don't want to waste anyone's time further. If we somehow can't meet each other's expectations, I want to cut the loses and move on. I don't want to waste time trying to accommodate someone or have him accommodate me just to go through another six-year relationship and end up breaking up. - It might be too soon to say this....but I think I have found someone who is perfect to me. For the first time, I actually look forward to seeing someone's face everytime I wake up.
• Lose 10kg. No, I am not bulimic. I dropped 15kg in a month then but now I am at a healthy 60kg. I think if I can lose a few more Kgs, it'd be easier to get clothes. - Shit! Stagnant for now. Time to diet again.
• Seriously take care of my complexion. Being born with ultra sensitive skin should have been a warning but I decided to try the heck care attitude and am now left with horrible scars. Nabeh!!!!! - Mission accomplished. And no, I DID NOT go for plastic surgery.
• Buy a Miu Miu bag. - Didn't happen. But last month, I bought six bags. O.O

Hmmm......seems like I didn't really do much. And by the looks of it, I don't think I have enough time to do much now anymore. However, I am happy enough that some goals were accomplished. Life can't be perfect all the time and for now, I am satisfied with what I have.

With the clock ticking away, we will soon bid farewell to 2009. This has been a roller coaster year but it was a good roller coaster ride. It started out totally fucked but ended with a high. Things I did not expect has happened - I have a new job, a new career to work on, a new man, a much happier and fulfilling life. And most importantly, the courage that I once lost, I found it back.

So, for now, I am all ready to say goodbye to 2009.

2009, you have me found some good things among the bad. But soon you will be nothing but the past. So goodbye. I am looking forward to 2010 which I know will be a wonderful year for sure.

Till then, I will be thinking of my 2010's New Year resolution and looking forward to it with a big grin.

Halo...Halo...Halloween!

Who's that girl.....lalalalalalala......

That's me. Yes, yours truly. See, I make a pretty geisha, don't I?

It's been like a billion years since I celebrate Halloween in a big way. The last time I went for a Halloween party was like eight or nine years ago at the not-so-happening-now-anymore China Black. Yes, I was once young and crazy and I did partied like mad.

After a long hiatus, I am slowly finding my once-lost life back. With my crazy partner. Ah-huh. *grinz*

So, this Halloween, we dressed up, met up with my partner's friends and rocked Clarke Quay. Well, we didn't actually rock Clarke Quay. Apparently, there were like millions of people dressing up on that day. But our group did actually attract quite a bit of attention because we had a sexy Brazil Carnaval Queen and someone who looked like he just walked out of the Detroit Metal City movie. Check out the piece of work that I am claiming some credit for :

Ain't that a fine piece of work? It was hilarious because some of Ray's friends could not recognize him at all! *Fun! Fun! Fun!*

And I just have to show a picture of both of us together. Because someone came up to me and told me that we were a perfect match in our costumes. Excuse me, Ray looked damn scary and I looked gan-puah-si-lang-chio can? How can we be a perfect match??? Unless you think a red cape plus a red kimono equals to a good match......then I have nothing to say. -___-

This is the chio Brazil Carnaval Queen I am taking about. Not too happy about meeting him or rather her (her name is Michelle). I thought I was the prettiest for the night till we met. He stole all my limelight away. Argh!!!

You know how beauty queens pose and smile and act friendly for the cameras despite being jealous of one another? I have perfected that. Can you sense any jealousy? I bet not.

This is only a small group of Ray's friends. And I mean A SMALL GROUP. There must have been at least fifty people around if they all fall in.

DMC meets erm....a butcher?

Viet Viet (A Far From Overdue Post)

I hate to admit this but I have been slacking. From the looks of it, I have joined the slackers clan - where the blogs get forgotten; the Twitter gets no updates; the news do not get read despite the RSS feeds and the once hectic life comes to a standstill.

Oh well, how many times do I get to be jobless and do nothing but sleep till 12pm daily, wake up and do nothing? Guess I should treasure this slacker lifestyle before I swing right back to the crazy corporate world.

So, as promised, I am posting up a brief of what went on in Vietnam. Honestly, I am not going to and I cannot do a proper write up of Vietnam because :

• When the history lessons on Vietnam were on-going in school, I was either sleeping or playing truant.
• Whatever that I had managed to absorb (when I actually sit in for that few lessons), were left behind in school when I graduated.
• When our tour guides were briefing us, I was more interested in the birds that were flying by.

Yes, I admit, I do have a learning disability. I take in things visually easier than via listening. Hence, the crazy amount of photos we took in Vietnam.

Here we go, follow us through our journey in Vietnam - starting from Ho Chi Minh to Da Lat to Nha Thrang and back to Ho Chi Minh.

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All geared up and excited about Vietnam.

Passports - checked. Boarding passes - checked. Off we go!

Arriving at Ho Chi Minh's international airport.

Lavender Hotel - accommodation for the first night at HCM.

A friend told us not to go too near this building as the guards will come with their guns.

Arriving at Da Lat's market. We bought winter coats in Vietnam.

Can you believe that?

A back alley we chanced upon. It was one of those old school back alleys. Beautiful.

Having our first meal the Vietnamese way - sitting on the low stools and eating at the low tables. Did I mention that there were cubes of pig's blood in these noodles? WooooOooooo!

The tour starts at the Prenn Waterfalls in Dalat.

Then we went on to see a much more nicer waterfall - Datanla Waterfalls.

Our holiday mates - Lawrence and Karen at The Crazy House.

Buddhist Meditation Monastery - I hope we didn't destroy the peace there.....

One of my favorite shots taken at The Valley Of Love.

Didn't I already said it's The Valley Of Love we are at?

The King and The Concubine found at The Summer Palace. I hope this photo spooked you out a little. I purposely touched up the color so it looks faded. One day, when we are old, we shall show this photo to our grandchildren and see what reactions they will come up with. Muahahaha!

Soaking at the Mineral Mud Spa.

Strolling by the beach at Nha Thrang.

First stop of our tour at Nha Thrang - the aquarium with not much fishes. But we had loads of fun taking pictures. Hah!

Sometimes, just sometimes, I like to pretend I am a mermaid and not a Dugong.

My baby's first attempt at para-sailing!

I thought this is interesting - we tried sea urchin for the first time. The sashimi and the porridge versions. The sashimi was perfect while the porridge was so-so. Now, you know what to order if you decide to try it, don't you?

On board Boat Trip No 4.

Can you see how happy I am? Cos I finally get to hit the sea!

Another one of my favorite shots taken by Lawrence. I am too photo conscious most of the time and it's nice to have something shot in a much more natural way.

And this shot marks the end of our tour in Nha Thrang.

It was back to Ho Chi Minh the next day.

Fooling around just before entering Cu Chi Tunnels.

This is the original size of the actual Cu Chi Tunnel entrance during war times.

See how my baby is struggling to get in?

Outside their General Post Office at 4.25pm.

Notre Dame - the one in Vietnam.

Coming back home. Obviously, we are not excited about coming home at all.